How to Stop Being a People Pleaser: A Comprehensive Guide

Understanding People-Pleasing Behaviour

We’ve all been there: agreeing to something we didn’t want to or bending over backwards to make someone else happy. But constantly putting others before ourselves can lead to stress, burnout, and even resentment. For a better understanding of what it is and why you might want to stop it, check out my previous post "Understanding People-Pleasing Behaviours: How to Recognise and Overcome them".

Setting Healthy Boundaries

Here’s the thing: boundaries are essential, not optional. Think of them as invisible fences for your mental well-being. Without them, you're just wandering the wild terrain of other people's expectations and demands.

Here’s how to set them: First, get clear on what your limits are. It’s okay to say no, even if you don’t have a “legit” reason. Practice communicating these boundaries clearly and calmly. The phrase “I can’t take that on right now” can be your new BFF. And remember, maintaining these boundaries is crucial. They’re more like plants than tattoos; they need regular care and attention.

Self-Awareness and Self-Reflection

The journey to kicking people-pleasing to the curb starts with self-awareness. Think of self-awareness as the Gandalf of personal growth—you shall pass, but only if you know what’s stopping you.

Start with practical exercises like journaling or even just asking yourself why you agreed to bake 200 cupcakes for your neighbor’s dog’s birthday when you don’t even like dogs (or baking). Identify your core values and beliefs. If you don't know what you stand for, you’ll fall for, well... anything, including said dog's party planning committee.

Learning to Say No

The word “no” is like the Vegemite of vocabulary—it’s an acquired taste but oh-so-essential. Assertive communication is your secret weapon here. It’s not about being rude or dismissive; it’s about being honest and direct.

Practice saying no in front of a mirror, or role-play with a friend. Start small and work your way up. Maybe decline a low-stakes coffee run before moving on to bigger things like passing on your cousin’s third MLM scheme. You’ll find that the more you say it, the easier it becomes, like levelling up in a video game.

Building Self-Confidence

You can't pour from an empty cup, right? So let’s talk about self-care and boosting your self-esteem. It’s about time you become your own hype person. Celebrate those small victories and acknowledge your progress. Ever heard of the "Jar of Awesome"? It’s a jar where you drop in notes of things you’ve achieved or moments that made you proud. Spoiler: It’s magic.

Taking time for self-care isn’t selfish; it’s essential. Engage in activities that make you feel good, whether it’s a yoga class, reading a book that’s not self-help-related for once, or just binging that show everyone’s been talking about. The key is to build your sense of worth separate from what you do for others.

Seeking Professional Help

Sometimes, DIY isn’t enough, and that’s okay. If your people-pleasing habits are deeply ingrained, consider seeking professional help. There are therapists and counselors who specialize in these issues and can provide the tools you need to make lasting changes.

Remember, choosing a therapist is like dating—find someone who clicks with you. And if the first one doesn’t work out, it’s not a reflection of you. Keep looking until you find the right match that makes you feel like the star of your own life story.

Conclusion

Breaking free from people-pleasing habits is a journey, but it’s one well worth taking. By understanding the root causes, setting boundaries, learning to say no, and building self-confidence, you can reclaim your time, energy, and happiness. Ready to start living authentically? Begin implementing these strategies today and see the positive change in your life!